My name is Ashley. I am a wife to a wonderful man named Jeffery, that I know God created just for me. I am a new mommy to my miracle baby, Jake, who again God gets all the credit for. I am the daughter of two wonderful parents, and a sister to my best friend. I am an aunt to 3.5 nephews and 2 nieces. I am a Christian. I am what some would call loud. I am oppinionated. I am honest. I am a fighter. I am a worry wart. I am determined. I am a little OCD. I am a lot of things, but above all, I am blessed.
The main reason I want to write this blog, is so that one day when my son gets older, he can go back and read everything I wrote. I am hoping that through my words he will know how much I love him, and maybe see a different side of his "overprotective" mommy. Maybe through this blog he will have a better understanding of me, and why I am the way I am.
Now that the introduction is out of the way, I will provide you with a little history. I don't want to write a novel, or put anyone to sleep, so I will try to keep it short.
I had a wonderful childhood. I had a great family, good friends, and made straight A's. I went through a rough spot in middle school, with nobody to blame but myself. I made some dumb choices. I almost burned a house down. I DID burn all of my bangs off.... What can I say? It could have been worse. On October 31, 1999 my sister and brother in law invited me to church with them.... UUGGHHH, what almost 16 year old wants to go to church on Halloween?!!? Not me, but I am glad I did. I went. The preacher showed a movie called "The Burning Hell". Who knew an old school movie about a couple of hippies could change my life? But it did! The movie convicted my heart, and showed me that if I didn't get right, and change my life that I would die and go to Hell. It showed me that being a "good person" didn't get you to Heaven. It explained that in order to be saved I needed to admit I was a sinner (Romans 3:10,23), believe that God sent His only son, Jesus, to die on the cross to pay for my sins (John 3:16), and confess that Jesus is my Lord and I put my trust in Him alone (Romans 10:9). I did that, and my life was changed forever. Was I perfect afterwards? NO! I was still a teenager. I had some more stupid moments, but God saw me through it.
When I was 22 I got a job working at Agricultural Workers Mutual Auto Insurance Company... a mouthful, I know. Anyways, half the church worked their, as well as half their family. Maybe not half, but A LOT. Through all the craziness, I ended up working with my future mother in law, who gave my number to her son, who I ended up meeting on a blind date.... Did you get that?
Jeffery was smart, he got my number the first week of February, but didn't call me until February 15... yes, the DAY AFTER Valentine's Day. We ended up setting up a date for that Friday night, and the rest is history.
We dated for 4 months and got engaged on my parent's anniversary. We were engaged for 10.5 months, and were married in April 28, 2007. I originally wanted to wait 4-5 years to have a baby, but Jeffery was ready as soon as we got married. I guess he won, because we decided to start trying after a year. It took 10 months and a round of Clomid, but we found out we were expecting in January 2008. We were so excited!!
The day Jeffery Proposed
Our Wedding Day
Our Honeymoon Cruise
The first two trimesters were flawless. No morning sickness, no massive weight gain, no extreme cravings, etc etc. Life was good. Then, all the sudden, my blood pressure shot up somewhere around my 27th or 28th week. I was told to monitor my blood pressure at home and start coming for more frequent doctor visits. It continued to go up until they took me off work and placed me on strict bedrest. I was in and out of the hospital 3 times, and peed in more industrial size orange jugs than I care to remember. I did everything the docotors told me to do, but on August 5 I went for my 2nd of 3 weekly doctor's appointments, and I was told to go to the hospital and stay there. They couldn't control my blood pressure and any time I had a contrcation Jake's heart rate would drop. The next day my doctor decided it would be safer to deliver the baby than for me to continue on the path I was going down.
The day was a complete whirlwind. Jake wasn't due until September 20, so I was thinking I would be in the hospital for a long time, but things did not happen that way at all. My nurse checked all of mine and the baby's vitals first thing that morning, and by 11:00 I was told I would be having a c-section ASAP. That meant that Jake was coming 6.5 weeks early. I had a million and one things running through my head, but through it all I had an overwhelming sense of peace. I knew that ultimately God was in control, and I prayed that His Perfect Will be done. It also helped that Jeffery was as calm as ever. From time to time I would get a little overwhelmed, and he would reassure me that things would be fine.
Looking back, I can't recall exact details. Things happened so quickly. The nurse came in an gave me an IV of Magnesium. This was supposed to keep me from having seizures since my blood pressure was so high. Then I was beyond humbled when she inserted my catheder. Afterwards, I was wheeled to the surgery prep room where they watched me for a while, and explained to me what all would take place in the operating room. I was taken to the OR a little after 4:00.
The biggest fear that I couldn't get out of my mind was that he wouldn't cry. I kept asking Jeffery, "What if he doesn't cry? What if he doesn't cry?" God is good though, and at 4:12 pm Jake Kemp Holt was born, and I heard the most beautiful sound I have ever heard... a wonderful scream and crying! Immediately tears started pouring from my eyes, it was amazing. Because he was so early, there were tons of people in the room. My doctor held him up for half a second, and then he was bombarded by the NICU Team. He was 4 lbs 1 oz and 16.5 inches long. He was breathing, but he needed a little help so that he didn't get too tired. He was taken to the NICU and placed on c-pap as well as two different IV's. He was also slightly jaundice, so he was put under the lights as well. On top of al of that, he was too little to eat by himself, so they put a feeding tube (really more like a super skinny chord) down his throat.
While all of this was going on, I honestly couldn't tell you what was going on with me. I know that I was sewn up and taken back to the recovery room for a while. At some point I was taken back to my room where tons of family and friends awaited me.... but that's about all I remember. Because of the Mag, I was pretty much out of it. Only two people are allowed at a crib side in the NICU at once, so one at a time Jeffery took different family members back to see him.
The next thing I remember is the following day. I don't remember waking up, I just remember asking to see my baby. They told me that I couldn't until I was able to have my catheder removed, walk, and go to the restroom. I was finally able to do that around 11:00 or so. FINALLY, I was able to see by baby boy for the very first time.
I thought I would be an emotional basketcase, but I actually had no feeling at all. It was kinda like an out of body experience, like I was looking at someone else's baby... living someone else's life. I looked at Jeffery and asked him what was wrong with me. Why wasn't I crying, where was my emotion?! I told him I felt like a terrible mommy, but it just didn't feel real. Evidentally, what I was feeling was very normal.... at least that's what they told me. The second time I saw him, later that day, my emotions were working overtime. I completely lost it. I was hysterical, and I couldn't control myself.
We finally got to hold him on what I am pretty sure was the 3rd night... At that point days and nights were all the same to me. We had to have the nurse help us since he was still hooked up to all the wires and monitors, but holding him that first time is something I will never forget. Although we had a long way to go, I knew my baby was going to be okay.
I was released after 5 days in the hospital, and going home without my baby was the hardest things I've ever had to do. I am so thankful that I have such a strong and supportive husband. As with any NICU baby, we had our good days and our bad days. We were up there for several hours at a time at least twice a day. Finally, after 32 days, Jake came home!
Fast forward to today.... Jake will be 18 weeks old tomorrow. He is a little over 12 lbs now. He is getting so big!! He has wonderful head control, and always holds it up like such a big boy. HE LOVES TO EAT... what can I say, he's his mama's baby! (Hopefully he will inherit Jeffery's metabolism.) He's a good sleeper, he's a cuddler, he's impatient when he wants something, he's the cutest thing I have ever seen.... More than anything, he is the biggest blessing I have ever received!
I think that about sums it up. Sorry for going so long, but cut me some slack, this is my first blog. I will try my best to update as often as possible, and I will do my best to keep them short!
The day was a complete whirlwind. Jake wasn't due until September 20, so I was thinking I would be in the hospital for a long time, but things did not happen that way at all. My nurse checked all of mine and the baby's vitals first thing that morning, and by 11:00 I was told I would be having a c-section ASAP. That meant that Jake was coming 6.5 weeks early. I had a million and one things running through my head, but through it all I had an overwhelming sense of peace. I knew that ultimately God was in control, and I prayed that His Perfect Will be done. It also helped that Jeffery was as calm as ever. From time to time I would get a little overwhelmed, and he would reassure me that things would be fine.
Looking back, I can't recall exact details. Things happened so quickly. The nurse came in an gave me an IV of Magnesium. This was supposed to keep me from having seizures since my blood pressure was so high. Then I was beyond humbled when she inserted my catheder. Afterwards, I was wheeled to the surgery prep room where they watched me for a while, and explained to me what all would take place in the operating room. I was taken to the OR a little after 4:00.
The biggest fear that I couldn't get out of my mind was that he wouldn't cry. I kept asking Jeffery, "What if he doesn't cry? What if he doesn't cry?" God is good though, and at 4:12 pm Jake Kemp Holt was born, and I heard the most beautiful sound I have ever heard... a wonderful scream and crying! Immediately tears started pouring from my eyes, it was amazing. Because he was so early, there were tons of people in the room. My doctor held him up for half a second, and then he was bombarded by the NICU Team. He was 4 lbs 1 oz and 16.5 inches long. He was breathing, but he needed a little help so that he didn't get too tired. He was taken to the NICU and placed on c-pap as well as two different IV's. He was also slightly jaundice, so he was put under the lights as well. On top of al of that, he was too little to eat by himself, so they put a feeding tube (really more like a super skinny chord) down his throat.
While all of this was going on, I honestly couldn't tell you what was going on with me. I know that I was sewn up and taken back to the recovery room for a while. At some point I was taken back to my room where tons of family and friends awaited me.... but that's about all I remember. Because of the Mag, I was pretty much out of it. Only two people are allowed at a crib side in the NICU at once, so one at a time Jeffery took different family members back to see him.
The next thing I remember is the following day. I don't remember waking up, I just remember asking to see my baby. They told me that I couldn't until I was able to have my catheder removed, walk, and go to the restroom. I was finally able to do that around 11:00 or so. FINALLY, I was able to see by baby boy for the very first time.
I thought I would be an emotional basketcase, but I actually had no feeling at all. It was kinda like an out of body experience, like I was looking at someone else's baby... living someone else's life. I looked at Jeffery and asked him what was wrong with me. Why wasn't I crying, where was my emotion?! I told him I felt like a terrible mommy, but it just didn't feel real. Evidentally, what I was feeling was very normal.... at least that's what they told me. The second time I saw him, later that day, my emotions were working overtime. I completely lost it. I was hysterical, and I couldn't control myself.
We finally got to hold him on what I am pretty sure was the 3rd night... At that point days and nights were all the same to me. We had to have the nurse help us since he was still hooked up to all the wires and monitors, but holding him that first time is something I will never forget. Although we had a long way to go, I knew my baby was going to be okay.
I was released after 5 days in the hospital, and going home without my baby was the hardest things I've ever had to do. I am so thankful that I have such a strong and supportive husband. As with any NICU baby, we had our good days and our bad days. We were up there for several hours at a time at least twice a day. Finally, after 32 days, Jake came home!
Fast forward to today.... Jake will be 18 weeks old tomorrow. He is a little over 12 lbs now. He is getting so big!! He has wonderful head control, and always holds it up like such a big boy. HE LOVES TO EAT... what can I say, he's his mama's baby! (Hopefully he will inherit Jeffery's metabolism.) He's a good sleeper, he's a cuddler, he's impatient when he wants something, he's the cutest thing I have ever seen.... More than anything, he is the biggest blessing I have ever received!
I think that about sums it up. Sorry for going so long, but cut me some slack, this is my first blog. I will try my best to update as often as possible, and I will do my best to keep them short!
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